Love & Relationships

Ways Wives Unknowingly Disrespect Their Husbands and How to Pivot

As part of our recent Respect Series, Lathyra Ranger shared on ways women commonly disrespect their husbands and how they can pivot or adjust their behaviors for a better long-term result.

Lathyra is a loving wife, caring mother, a lifestyle influencer, mom blogger and founder of MommentsNetwork. She is known for the advice and encouragement she shares on her instagram page @lathyraranger.

Before we begin, let me tell you now…Lathyra came for everyone’s edges!

As women, we often think we’re doing everything right. Well, Lathyra burst our bubbles and pointed out our toxic and disrespectful behaviors with the quickness!

Disrespect can be defined as the feeling that a person is beneath consideration or, alternatively, to be rude, to disregard or to ridicule.

Lathyra shared 15 ways wives unknowingly disrespect their husbands.

1. Focusing on his weakness

Expectations of who your husband should be when he hasn’t yet walked into who God has called him to be may cause you to focus on his weaknesses. Women tend to nitpick at their husband’s weaknesses. Constant nitpicking tears your husband down.  Focusing on his weakness strips him of his power and determination to pursue his goals. Proverbs 24:3 instructs us to build up our house. We build our house by building up our husband. He is the head so by building him up, we build our house.

We build our house by building up our husband.

-Lathyra Ranger

How to pivot? Acknowledge his strengths. Celebrate what he is doing right and what made you marry him. Celebrate the progress he is making in the things that you’ve discussed he should work on.

2. Undermining him

You undermine his ability to make good decisions. You question his decision-making. This is seen through you being too independent and wanting to be in control. You become so accustomed to making your own decisions that you want to be in the driver’s seat. This is considered belittling your husband. Undermining his decision tells him that you don’t trust him. Men need to feel like you trust them.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

Ephesians 5:22

How to pivot? Acknowledge his leadership and support his decisions while still giving him suggestions in a loving way. Do not push your desires onto him as the right thing to do. Relinquish your control.

3. Telling him how to do tasks

It is important to understand that your husband is not going to do things the way you want them to be done.

How to pivot? Give him room to express himself in what he does. Allow him to do things how he wants to. Give him room to make mistakes.

4. Not acknowledging him when he arrives home

Sometimes women use their hormones as an excuse to not be affectionate with their husband. This lack of affection makes him feel unappreciated.

How to pivot? Greet him at the door with a hug and kiss when he arrives home.

5. Callous Tone

We may bring different attitudes from our environment into our marriage. Our tone and words may be callous. When our tone is callous, it may come across as condescending. Condescending remarks can destroy your husband’s leadership skills.

How to pivot? Ensure that whatever you say edifies your husband.  Make sure your tone does not disrespect him. When you talk to your husband, touch him lovingly. It may cause him to open up to you more. Use a gentle voice when speaking to him.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Ephesians 4:29

6. Criticism

This is one of the top ways to disrespect your husband. This tears him down. It makes him feel like he is not enough. Disrespect will either cause your husband to crumble or rebel. Your criticism will cause your husband to have a deaf ear to anything you say.

Your prayers can do more than your lips can.

-Lathyra Ranger

How to pivot? Praise and support your husband. He is going to make mistakes. In his imperfection, he still needs love. He needs your encouragement.

7. Discussing past relationships

Constantly discussing past relationships makes him feel like he needs to compete.

How to pivot? It is better to be general than to bring up examples from your past relationships.

8. Oversharing

Certain things about your marriage should not be shared with others. Some things should stay between you and your husband. Oversharing will make you susceptible to attacks.

How to pivot? Discuss with your husband what is okay to share and what’s not okay. If your husband shares something personal, do not share it because he will feel betrayed and it will impact his trust.

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;  keep watch over the door of my lips.”

Psalm 141:3

9. Bringing up divorce

Do not threaten to leave every time things get hard. This indicates that you are not loyal to him which causes him not to trust you. It will affect his security in your marriage. Men need a sense of security just like women do. You are to be loyal to your husband. Telling your husband you want a divorce disrespects the authority of God because you made a vow to your husband and to God.

How to pivot? Support him. Let him know that you love him. Be honest about your expectations and disappointments.

10. Making decisions without his input

Your husband was anointed by God with authority when you got married to be the leader of the home. When you make decisions without him it shows that you think he is incompetent. He needs your belief in him in order to strive in his leadership.

How to pivot? Offer suggestions. Allow him to lead and he will give you the permission to go ahead with your suggestion. He needs you to believe in him so that he can thrive in his leadership.

11. Lack of appreciation

When you focus on his weaknesses, you end up not showing him appreciation. You are called to respect your husband.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

How to pivot? Show him that you appreciate him. Show him appreciation for his devotion and the things that he is doing. Compliment him.

12. Distrust

Believe that your husband will be faithful. Men thrive on praise. He wants to do more of what you praise him for.

How to pivot? Trust your husband and his leadership. Trust him to be faithful and devoted.

Trust the God in him.

-Lathyra Ranger

13. Expectation of him to be perfect in every season

Not supporting your husband will result in him becoming stagnant. Don’t expect him to be perfect all the time.

Pivot- Be gracious in the valley season. For more on respecting him in the valley season, read How to Love and Respect Your Man Through His Trauma. Allow him the grace to grieve. Support who he is becoming. Remove the expectations and allow God to move.

14. Mothering him

Do you constantly tell your husband what he should and should not do? This indicates that you do not trust him and it tells him that he is incompetent and/or unable to perform tasks on his own.

Your husband is not your son.

– Lathyra Ranger

How to pivot? Leave the mothering words and cleave to your husband. Cleave with grace. Allow him to make his own decisions and support those decisions.

15. Overspiritualizing everything

Do not be super spiritual all of the time. It is important to be vigilant about what comes into your home, but everything shouldn’t be overspiritualized. Also, just because your husband’s relationship with God differs from yours doesn’t mean he does not have one.

How to pivot? Leave room for grace. Let God convict. Give suggestions lovingly.

Respect Assignment:

  1. Create a marriage vision and family vision. Once you create the vision place it somewhere in your home and ensure that your actions are aligned with your vision for your marriage.
  2. Implement marriage meetings in your routine. This allows you to discuss what’s going on in your marriage. Meet every week if you’re going through difficult times in your marriage. Meet every month if things are going okay.

Lathyra came with a whole word. If you missed Lathyra’s talk, check out the Youtube replay here:

You can follow Lathyra for more inspirational content on Instagram @lathyraranger.

Catch up on the other sessions in the Respect series you may have missed by watching the replay or reading the blog recap.

Which trait are you guilty of and what steps will you implement from Lathyra’s talk? Let us know in the comments below!

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