Sex & Intimacy

How Prayer Builds Intimacy

It has been said that “the most common component to achieving any type of intimacy is effective communication skills” (Marriage Team Coaching Manual). Prayer is essentially communicating with God; therefore, through prayer (i.e. direct communication with God) we build intimacy with Him. That is generally not a hard point to grasp. What many do fail to realize is that praying to God can be a means of developing intimacy with your spouse.

Teddy and Tina Campbell, in a recent interview for Young Married Christian, shared how prayer did just that. After Teddy’s infidelity, Tina wanted nothing to do with him sexually, even after making a decision to work on their marriage. After being mentored by a trusted Christian couple, the two decided to try prayer. They interceded individually and corporately for each other and their marriage, and something beautiful happened. Tina found her heart changing towards her spouse. She recounts, “When we were praying I saw a good man who made a bad choice…I saw a man who loved his family and loved his God and did not want to be what he was…I believe I saw him through God’s lens when we were in prayer, and that made him very attractive to me.”

I believe I saw him through God’s lens when we were in prayer, and that made [my husband] very attractive to me.

Tina Campbell

If that wasn’t enough to make you believe in the intimacy-building power of prayer, here are 6 key ways prayer can build intimacy with your significant other.

1. Prayer builds trust.

When you know your spouse has your best interests at heart, it helps to build trust with one another. One of our followers wrote, “[My husband praying for me] makes me trust that he’ll always have my back and it makes me feel like he loves me just like how the Father does.”

2. Prayer makes you feel loved.

Knowing that someone is talking to God about you and seeking God on your behalf is deeply comforting and reassuring. It makes you feel cared for in a deeply personal way.

A follower wrote, “Knowing that he covers me, especially in sickness, makes me feel protected, loved and cared for even more.”

Another wife added, “When my husband prays for me I feel loved and protected so it builds emotional intimacy. And when either of us prayers specifically about the sex act, that encounter tends to be [amazing].”

When my husband prays for me I feel loved and protected so it builds emotional intimacy. And when either of us prayers specifically about the sex act, that encounter tends to be [amazing].

Wife HER! Member

3. Prayer builds your spiritual bond.

The Word says, “How can two walk together unless they agree?” When you come together in prayer you voice your agreement before the Father, which strengthens your bond. Listening to each other’s prayers is also empowering and faith-building.

One wife wrote, “I feels like it strengthens our spiritual bond and builds trust between us.”

4. Prayer helps you see them as God sees them.

You can’t be mad at someone you are praying for. It just won’t work. Overtime your heart will soften towards them as you begin to see them through God’s eyes. Praying for your spouse keeps your heart sensitive towards them and makes it easier to forgive. This means that all the pent up issues that can slowly destroy a marriage dissipate as you extend grace to each other.

5. Prayer builds security.

Security is defined as “the state of being free from danger or threat.” Prayer is a protective measure that guards your marriage and protects your family, especially when your prayers are directed in this manner. One wife writes, “Prayer builds intimacy and it also builds security (mostly for the woman) knowing that her man has her covered naturally and spiritually.”

Another wife writes, “When my husband prays for me I feel like I have a double armor on.” Now that’s protection!

6. Prayer is attractive.

There is nothing like seeing your husband surrendered to the Lord. It makes it much easier to submit to, respect and love a man like that.

Here is what two wives had to say:

  • “It’s a major turn on too…makes me want to jump him!”
  • “It builds intimacy and makes me feel more attracted to him that he’ll make time to cover me in prayer. It makes me want to have this man’s baby!”

Watch the full video with Teddy and Tiny Campbell here:

Sex & Intimacy

The Truth About Your Man’s Porn Habit

Discovering your man’s pornography habit can be one of the most emotionally disturbing events of your life. So many thoughts arise. Why? Am I not enough? How can I compete with that? And the list goes on. Or, you may be on the other end of the spectrum. You see nothing wrong with your man watching pornography and may even have dabbled in it yourself, but you do notice that your husband seems to lack interest in you. You walk past him naked and it’s like you’re not even there. Or, when you are intimate, he treats your body like an object and fails to truly connect with you.

No matter where you are on the spectrum, you have seen the impact pornography can have on your relationship and you want answers.

Over on Instagram, we answered the commonly thought, yet often un-asked question, “Is pornography okay in marriage?” (Spoiler alert! Our answer was, “No.”) While many women and men have a strong feeling that pornography is not okay, many do not know the actual truth about pornography. Many men do not understand the root of their problem, while women often think their man’s pornography habit is there fault. For that reason, we wanted to share the truth about pornography and put all untruths to rest.

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See our response to this question over on Instagram.

The Truth

  1. Many men struggling with pornography were exposed to it at a very young age.
  2. He may have turned to pornography due to a sense of toxic shame: the belief that he is horribly broken and beyond hope.
  3. He would struggle with pornography no matter who he married.
  4. His use of pornography is not your fault.
  5. Cold turkey often does not work. Be prepared for several slip ups.
  6. Pornography works like a drug that rewires the brain, training him to desire the hormonal rush from porn instead of sex with you.
  7. Pornography trains your man’s brain to desire novelty, variety and selfish pleasure.
  8. Pornography leads to objectification of women as sexual objects.
  9. Research shows that even moderate exposure to video pornography makes users feel less satisfied with their partner’s sexual performance and physical appearance.
  10. Many men get to a point where they can no longer perform without imaging themselves in a pornographic situation.
  11. You will never be “enough” for a man who watches pornography. He has to rewire his mind to make you his beauty standard again.
  12. He may try to blame you to protect himself from shame.
  13. He may blame his inability to perform on your weight gain, weight loss or general appearance.
  14. Pornography is a form of infidelity. A licensed professional counselor notes, “He is receiving sexual gratification from other women. In my mind, that is infidelity.”
  15. Your marriage can recover from your man’s use of pornography.
  16. Forgiveness is an important step in the healing process, but do not rush it out of obligation.
  17. You will likely need to seek help for the personal trauma related to his addiction.
  18. There are three stages to recovery: Impact, Meaning and Moving On.
  19. Your man’s recovery is his choice.
  20. If he chooses not to change his behavior and work to restore your trust, it is not your fault.
  21. You are not responsible to fix him.
  22. You are responsible for communicating to your man what trustworthy and trust-building behavior looks like to you and what hurtful behavior looks like to you.
  23. You are responsible for seeking help for yourself so that you can cope with debilitating and negative emotions.
  24. Lashing out is unproductive.
  25. Repeating reaffirming truths to yourself is beneficial: “I am beautiful”, “I am desirable”, etc.
  26. It is important to request openness and honesty about his struggles.
  27. Knowing you believe in him and support him will assist in his healing and deliverance process.
  28. Boundaries may be necessary, including temporary separation and/or a period of abstinence.
  29. Your marriage is not ruined.
  30. God can restore your trust, love and your marriage.

Source: Covenant Eyes, Porn and Your Husband: A Recovery Guide for Wives